Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
