I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I touched a dick in church today
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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