genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
