guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
