Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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