I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
