Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize