i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
