4 words: hood of his car
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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