Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
