got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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