i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
