Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
love makes seman taste better
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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