i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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