Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
