Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
