Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
