I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
