i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
