I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize