clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
