I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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