i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
