Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
