why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize