Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
