my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
