You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
