So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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