bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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