I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
