Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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