i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
