Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
