ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
