When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
