The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
