This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
