Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
