New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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