Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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