My first STD was from a foam party
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
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