Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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