My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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