What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
