Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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