Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
