I am puke
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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