I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
