Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
