my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
