stop calling my apartment porn island.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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