I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
