And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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