I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
