He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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