My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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