Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
you had me at cake vodka
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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