smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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