I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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