Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
