You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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