Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
