I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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