can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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