I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You can't motorboat a personality
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I can't turn off my feet"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
