He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
