just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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