Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
