She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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