I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
