We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
